Fables in Slang

The Author and the Publishers wish to acknowledge the courtesy of Victor F. Lawson, Esq. , in permitting the reissue of these Fables in book form, after their appearance in the columns of The Chicago Record. SIXTY-EIGHTH THOUSAND Table of Contents The Fable of the Visitor Who Got a Lot for Three Dollars The Fable of the Slim Girl Who Tried to Keep a Date that was Never Made The Fable of the New York Person Who Gave the Stage Fright to Fostoria, Ohio The Fable of the Kid Who Shifted His Ideal The Fable of the Base Ball Fan Who Took the Only Known Cure The Fable of the Good Fairy with the Lorgnette, and why She Got It Good The Fable of the Unintentional Heroes of Centreville The Fable of the Parents Who Tinkered with the Offspring The Fable of How He Never Touched George The Fable of the Preacher Who Flew His Kite, but not Because He Wished to Do So The Fable of Handsome Jethro, Who was Simply Cut Out to be a Merchant The Fable of Paducah's Favorite Comedians and the Mildewed Stunt The Fable of Flora and Adolph and a Home Gone Wrong The Fable of the Copper and the Jovial Undergrads The Fable of the Professor Who Wanted to be Alone The Fable of a Statesman Who Couldn't Make Good The Fable of the Brash Drummer and the Peach Who Learned that There Were Others The Fable of Sister Mae, Who Did as Well as Could Be Expected The Fable of How the Fool-Killer Backed Out of a Contract The Fable of the Caddy Who Hurt His Head while Thinking The Fable of the Martyr Who Liked the Job The Fable of the Bohemian Who had Hard Luck The Fable of the Coming Champion Who was Delayed The Fable of the Lawyer Who Brought in a Minority Report The Fable of the Two Mandolin Players and the Willing Performer The Fable of the Man Who Didn't Care for Story-Books THE FABLE OF THE VISITOR WHO GOT A LOT FOR THREE DOLLARS. The Learned Phrenologist sat in his Office surrounded by his Whiskers. Now and then he put a Forefinger to his Brow and glanced at the Mirror to make sure that he still resembled William Cullen Bryant. Near him, on a Table, was a Pallid Head made of Plaster-of-Paris and stickily ornamented with…